Memory Lost

Chapter 48: Come Home with Me

The sun is blazing and the cars around them are still honking. Bai Jin Xi hugs Han Chen while watching the cars drive past them; many people are turning and looking at them. And not far away, a policeman is walking quickly towards them.

Jin Xi\'s tears slowly stop flowing.

She was crying simply out of reflex. Hearing Han Chen recite that phrase and seeing his watery eyes, she couldn\'t think clearly of the outcome and the logic behind what was happening; a kind of unexplainable pain surging up her heart. And as a result, her tears began to flow.

And now, her emotions gradually calm down. An unthinkable conclusion also floats clearly into her mind.

But……how is it possible?

She knows that he has a fiancée. She can also guess that the person that he has been looking for all these years is his fiancée. But she has never once connected herself with this person.

Yet Han Chen has just recited the exact words that her fiancé said in her dreams.

She suddenly recalls the time when she first met Han Chen. He was sitting behind the screen at the Su Se Nightclub; proud, aloof, and still. He pinned her down on the ground. His eyes were cold like ice……she knew very well in her heart that this arrogant and obstinate man had already captured her eyes.

She also recalls the day when they were running on the rooftop; the blurry memories and pain that drowned her suddenly.

She even recalls the time when she saw him via video conferencing while she was far away at Jiangcheng and the voice came to her head: No matter where you go, I will find you in the crowd.

……

All this time, he has only made her think of another person. But……what if that person is him?

Her heart pounds heavily. But many doubts and suspicions are occupying her heart. All she can do is turn around and stare at the side of his face.

"……Why?"

What is the reason for all of this?

Han Chen lets go of her slowly while still grabbing onto her shoulders. He stares at her at a close distance.

The traffic policeman has already made it to the side of their car, knocking on their window, "What\'s the matter?"

Han Chen lets out his breath slowly. He takes a look at her, lets go of her shoulders and takes out his identification card for the traffic policeman to see.

"Everything is fine. I\'ll move the car now," his voice is a little raspy as usual.

The officer nods and backs away.

Jin Xi stares at him and doesn\'t say anything.

He turns to look at her again. With one hand on the steering wheel, he grabs her hand with his other.

"Let\'s go home first," he says.

"Mm."

The land rover makes its way back onto the road.

He\'s quiet throughout the whole ride. His eyes are looking straight; not sure what he\'s thinking about. But he doesn\'t let go of her hand all this time. And Jin Xi\'s heart is in a mess; more doubts and suspicions arise. The more she thinks about it, the more she can\'t believe what\'s happening. She can\'t think clearly.

They soon arrive at the station. The road on the right leads to the policemen dormitory. Jin Xi is looking out the window when she suddenly notices that the car isn\'t making a turn; it\'s heading straight.

"Wrong way. You need to make a right," she reminds him.

Han Chen says without any expression on his face, "I didn\'t miss a turn. Your home isn\'t there."

Jin Xi\'s heart shakes. She can\'t find any words in her mouth.

_____

Han Chen parks the car below an apartment building. Jin Xi can now see that the front of his car is dented, but Han Chen doesn\'t even bother to take a look at it. He pulls her to go up the building with him.

He pushes open the door; the apartment is completely still and quiet.

Han Chen releases her hand, walks in and tosses his keys onto the coffee table. Jin Xi walks in behind him. She looks around the place subconsciously.

It\'s a very simple looking two bedroom apartment. The decorations are simple yet elegant and the walls are painted with cool colors. There is only a pair of men\'s slippers, and there is a shirt laying on the sofa.

He has clearly been living alone for a long time.

Han Chen takes off his jacket and throws it onto the sofa. Jin Xi has too many questions that she wants to ask; her heart is pounding like thunder as she watches his back. He turns around suddenly and walks over while staring at her.

"Han Chen, what does this……"

He hugs her directly, lowers his head and kisses her.

"Mm……" she protests, "Stop kissing me……explain to me clearly……"

But Han Chen doesn\'t listen. As if it\'s carrying a certain kind of stubbornness with erupting emotions, he kisses her harder and fiercer than all the other times before. He continues embracing her as they kiss and move from the foyer to the living room. They hit a chair and then the coffee table before she falls over onto the sofa.

Jin Xi is dizzy from his kiss. She\'s panting. Her lips and tongue don\'t feel like they\'re hers anymore.

"Ow……" she cries out.

Her cry wakes Han Chen up a bit. He lifts his head and finally lets go of her lips. But after he takes a glance at her, he buries his head into her neck again and starts kissing.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow……Ah!" Jin Xi screams.

It\'s because Han Chen has taken a bite on her neck.

He actually bit her!

She shivers from pain and is completely dumbstruck. Han Chen releases her finally. He sits up, leans back on the sofa and lets out a long breath of air.

Jin Xi is bewildered as she looks down at the spot below her collarbone where there\'s a fresh red teeth mark. Just when she wants to scold him, he grasps her hand.

She raises her head and sees that his chin is up and he\'s covering his eyes with the back of his other hand.

And then he smiles.

All of a sudden, Jin Xi can\'t seem to scold him by calling him "lunatic" anymore.

It\'s because the smile on his face is really the happy kind. She has never seen him smile like this before.

Watching the way he is now, it softens Jin Xi\'s heart but it makes her feel hurt at the same time.

Her heart aches.

She sits beside him feeling disconcerted. She lets him lift up her hand to his mouth and peck kisses on it.

There are so many questions in her heart, but as if she\'s been possessed, the first thing she asks is——

"Han Chen……What if you\'ve got it wrong?"

Han Chen lowers the hand that has been covering his eyes. He turns around to look at her with his shimmering dark brown eyes.

"I can\'t possibly be wrong. We\'re both related to the case from five years ago, and we\'ve both lost our memories. We both remember the same promise. And……" he pauses before continuing, "we both have strong feelings for each other. When there are this many coincidences, it cannot just be a coincidence——this all can only be explained if we were once in love. \'When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. (Sherlock Holmes)\'"

"But I\'ve never left Province K before. Could you have been in Jiangcheng before?" she scrunches her eyebrows.

Han Chen remains silent for a moment.

Should he tell her the truth?

Should he tell her: you might not actually be Bai Jin Xi and no one knows what your name is. Your parents who you thought have died in an accident were actually not your parents. They might have been sacrificial victims used to hide your identity. You have been living obliviously as someone else, and the real Bai Jin Xi might be dead already. These past few years where you have been living cheerfully and optimistically is just a false image created by some powerful group.

No, he must not.

At least not right now.

After being immersed in deep thoughts for a while, he speaks, "I might have been to Province K before and we fell in love. And because we lost our memories, we ended up losing each other. As for other unanswered questions, I think they are probably related to the case in the past. And it is something that we need to do research on. Don\'t overthink it right now. I\'ll definitely get to the bottom of it. But there\'s no need to doubt the fact that you are my fiancée."

Since he has made things so clear, Jin Xi seems to believe him more now.

Her hypothesis is that maybe she and Han Chen were in love but did not let anyone know. They were involved in this past case and there might have been confidentiality tied to it, so they ended up being separated. This seems to make a lot of sense.

As for Zhao Zi Xu……

No wonder she barely feels anything for the guy. They must have dated for only a few days, so they weren\'t in a deep relationship.

Thinking about it this way, it makes even more sense now. It matches the way she feels about Zhao Zi Xu.

She raises her head to look at Han Chen.

This truth that is completely opposite from what she had thought has come too suddenly. She\'s still kind of lost and she still has many doubts. But looking at his face and recalling the moment they recited their promises together out loud just now, she can feel a very clear and familiar sense of pain.

She knows very well that this is more persuasive than any objective facts.

The man whom she has longed for in her dreams, the man who causes her to lose control of her feelings every time she thinks about him is standing in front of her eyes.

He\'s actually……Han Chen.

Bittersweet, joy, sourness……gradually covers the doubts and confusions in her heart. The feelings grow bigger and bigger, stronger and stronger.

If she is his fiancée……

Then all this time, there has never been a third person between them? There has never been another person in his heart?

He has been so silly and stubborn in searching for her all along?

"So……" she takes a deep breath and says slowly, "you\'ve been searching for your fiancée for five years?"

Han Chen looks at her, leans over, grabs her shoulders and lowers his head, "I\'ve been searching for you for five years."

Jin Xi\'s heart is completely melted. Her tears begin to fall.

Han Chen lowers his head and kisses her tears away lightly. The room is quiet. Only the sound of their breathing interweaving with each other can be heard.

After a while, Han Chen says suddenly, "Bai Jin Xi, we\'ve both lost our memories. But I\'ve always remembered that this person exists. I\'ve searched for you every day and every year. How come you never once thought about me and even mistaken me for that stupid idiot Zhao Zi Xu?"

Jin Xi\'s eyes are still watery. She didn\'t think he would actually ask about this. A thought crosses her mind immediately——he remembers her, but she can\'t remember him at all. This just goes to say that he invests his love deeper than she does……

But she absolutely must not say this out. It\'s just that looking at Han Chen\'s dark and calm eyes, she can\'t tell whether or not he thinks this way too.

"Use your every second and every minute to compensate me," he stares into her eyes and says calmly.

Jin Xi\'s heart shakes. She doesn\'t know how to respond.

Jin Xi\'s phone beeps; it\'s a text message.

She takes a look. It\'s Xiao Zhuan: "Xiao Bai! Where are you? I\'ve carried your luggage back to the dormitory. Why haven\'t you come back to open the door?"

She can\'t be blamed; the news she got today has been too groundbreaking. She grabs the phone and stands up. Before she even finishes saying, "I\'ll be going then……" Han Chen snatches her phone away and says unconcernedly to her, "No."

Jin Xi: "But……" Even if they were engaged, she hasn\'t absorbed it all; she still can\'t remember a single thing. If she has to live at his place all of a sudden……

"Han Chen, about this……give me a bit more time. I am not prepared for this at all."

But Han Chen stands up with both of his hands in his pockets, "It\'s fine to leave. I\'ll move to your place."

Jin Xi: "……"

After staring at each other for a while, the image of Han Chen covering his eyes and smiling while leaning against the sofa floats into Jin Xi\'s mind.

"Alright. I\'ll stay here then," she says softly.

Han Chen looks at her and smiles slowly. He holds up her phone. Just when Jin Xi thought that he was going to text Xiao Zhuan back, she sees him dial and put the phone to his ear.

"What are you doing?" Jin Xi asks while attempting to grab the phone back, but he avoids her easily.

"Xiao Zhuan, bring Jin Xi\'s luggage to my place," he says and then hangs up.

Jin Xi is dumbstruck, "How could you tell Zhou Xiao Zhuan that? What will the others think?"

"Who cares what they think," he answers.

Jin Xi opens her mouth in speechlessness. She can\'t follow his pace at all, "Han Chen! Aren\'t I your fiancée!? How can you be so domineering to your fiancée?"

Han Chen glances at her, lights up a cigarette and sits down.

"There are many people in this world who cannot get what they want, and yet they live with it. You just need to grit your teeth and you\'ll get over it," he says.

Jin Xi is a bit stunned. It\'s what she has said before.

"I was already prepared to grit my teeth for the rest of my life," he says, "but then you came back."

He continues smoking with his head down. Jin Xi recovers from the shock and her heart softens again.

It\'s because she is back.

That\'s why he\'s happy; that\'s why he\'s so domineering and won\'t let her leave again?…..

After a moment of silence, she sits back down on the sofa and stretches out her arms to hug his neck. Han Chen puts his cigarette down right away and hugs her back. She lifts her head and kisses him.